


baby, it’s off with your head.

by LLReid



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels), Distant Shores (Visual Novel), The Nanny Affair (Visual Novel)
Genre: ARFID, Eating Disorders, F/F, Female Homosexuality, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, Mess with Kamilahs wife and you get stabbed bitch, Protectiveness, REQUEST!!, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates, Same-Sex Marriage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27517204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: Inspired by; Kings & Queens by Ava Max.~~~~~Your assistant has lit vanilla scented candles at his desk. - Sent: 1:59pm.I am a serious woman doing serious things. I do not have time for scented candles. - Sent: 2:00pm.Don’t get me wrong, I can certainly appreciate a scented candle as much as the next person. However, this mortal is an imbecile. - Sent: 2:01pm.kami be nice - Received 2:03pm.I am being perfectly fucking civil but if I did not make it clear: MY ENTIRE OFFICE SMELLS LIKE A GODDAMN BAKERY. - Sent 2:03pm.ANNIE, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE A BUSY WOMAN BUT THIS CANNOT BE HEALTHY. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO STOP THIS MADNESS. - Sent 2:03pm.kamilah sayeed if u snap and stab my assistant im gonna be pissed. like watering down all your vodka just to be petty levels of pissed - Received 2:04pm
Relationships: Kamilah Sayeed/Anastasia Sayeed, Kamilah Sayeed/Charlie Smith (mentioned), Kamilah Sayeed/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 51





	baby, it’s off with your head.

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT: Do mind writing something where Annie and kamilah switch assistants for the day or week and Annie’s assistant is scared bc he has to be kamilah’s assistant for the day/week
> 
> PROMPT: ✨ more on anastasia’s arfid please ✨

All that could be heard in Kamilah’s office was the viciously fast clicking of her heels as she paced back and forth along the freshly polish marble floors. When she’d asked her wife if she could borrow one of her assistants after several of her own had either fallen ill or had family emergencies and couldn’t make it in, rather than hiring yet another incompetent mortal who’d require training and would likely be starstruck from being so close to the centre of vampire society, or overworking her remaining mortals, she hadn’t accounted for growing this irritated. However, if it was even possible, Mathew’s lover was an even bigger imbecile than he was... and that was saying a lot.

She glanced down at her phone and her fingers began gliding across the screen.

 _Your assistant has lit vanilla scented candles at his desk._ \- Sent: 1:59pm.

 _I am a serious woman doing serious things. I do not have time for scented candles._ \- Sent: 2:00pm.

 _Don’t get me wrong, I can certainly appreciate a scented candle as much as the next person. However, this mortal is an imbecile._ \- Sent: 2:01pm.

 _kami be nice_ \- Received 2:03pm.

 _I am being perfectly fucking civil but if I did not make it clear: MY ENTIRE OFFICE SMELLS LIKE A GODDAMN BAKERY._ \- Sent 2:03pm.

 _ANNIE, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE A BUSY WOMAN BUT THIS CANNOT BE HEALTHY. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO STOP THIS MADNESS._ \- Sent 2:03pm.

 _kamilah sayeed if u snap and stab my assistant im gonna be pissed. like watering down all your vodka just to be petty levels of pissed_ \- Received 2:04pm.

She scoffed at her phone and rolled her eyes. This woman would be the death of her.

 _You did not just full name me in my hour of need._ \- Sent 2:05pm.

Anastasia immediately sent a row of the odd purple emojis with horns that she’d come to learn was basically the text speak equivalent of her saying ‘Spank me’ fifty times in a row.

 _HOW DO YOU WORK WITH THIS INCOMPETENT IMBECILE? I’M NOT EVEN MORTAL AND I FEAR FOR MY BLOOD SUBSR JUST SMELLING THESE CANDLES._ \- Sent 2:07pm.

 _SUGAR. I MEANT SUGAR._ \- Sent 2:07pm.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied her own mistake. She was the kind of woman who used totally correct spelling and punctuation even when she was texting, which, according to her wife was sort of bizarrely hot. She didn’t quite understand how commas and good spelling could get her going, but she supported her regardless.

 _I am quite certain this technology exists to make a fool of me. I need a drink immediately._ \- Sent 2:08pm.

 _its like 2pm on a tuesday you dork_ \- Received 2:08pm.

 _It is five o’clock somewhere._ \- Sent 2:09pm.

She walked over to the mini bar that was concealed in a hidden cabinet behind her desk, freezing in abject horror when she noticed how low she was running on everything.

 _The mini bar in my office is also empty. This is unacceptable. Why is the mini bar in my office empty?_ \- Sent 2:09pm.

 _bc youre an alcohol enthusiast surrounded by mewling mortals and booze keeps u from murdering them. those were your exact words when i asked why it was necessary to keep over 33 different kinds of alcohol in a cabinet behind ur desk babe_ \- Received 2:10pm.

 _I cannot abide this foolishness for a moment longer. I am coming over or someone is liable to meet my blades._ \- Sent 2:11pm.

 _sweetheart im still on that conference call w dalton & my board. sam is being indecisive because theres no one to hold her hand on this and shes making it hell for the rest of us who actually know what we have to do. just chill in my office till im done and try not to stab anyone plEASE _ \- Received 2:12pm.

 _I shall surprise you and behave like a perfect gentlewoman. I held a straight face when I overheard the fool trying to convert my other assistants to Veganism and talking about the benefits of past life regression therapy... but I feel compelled to warn you that this mortal is obviously a cult leader who is a terrible influence on Mathew._ \- Sent 2:12pm.

 _If you wished it, and because I’m so nice, I would be more than willing to teach Ms. Dalton a lesson in proper business etiquette. I own a 1732 year old formerly cursed Persian dagger that I believe would be perfectly fit for the task._ \- Sent 2:13pm. 

_kamiiiii... wtf tyler is not a cult leader and ur not stabbing sam_ \- Received 2:13pm.

 _wait did you just say you had a formerly cursed dagger ???_ \- Received 2:13pm.

 _kami you better not be stabbing my assistant rn_ \- Received 2:14pm.

 _now you stop double texting ?? u cant just drop that you own a cursed dagger and not text me back immediately like i need details and have at least twenty questions_ \- Received 2:16pm.

 _I will tell you anything you wish to know when I see you. And I know a cult leader when I see one. He may look like the overgrown version of that psychotic blonde child in that insufferable Christmas movie I was forced to watch against my will, but do you think Charles Manson started out so violently? Your assistant is an aspiring cultist who likely scared off home invaders with cans of paint in his childhood. Mark my words._ \- Sent 2:18pm.

 _theres pink gin and bottles of wine in the gift bags at the side of my couch that people gave me for my birthday. the gummy bears you like are in my desk drawer and there is a vibrator in my purse. babe go pour yourself a drink, cum a few times, & chill the fuck out _ \- Received 2:20pm.

A smile spread across her face when a row of red hearts followed the message and she grabbed her Balmain blazer from the back of her chair.

“Afternoon, Boss Lady,” Mathew said as she strolled out of her office and the mortals lingering in the halls either scrambled or suddenly became extremely busy.

“Mortal, I have told you exactly four-hundred-and-thirty-three times to stop calling me that. How many more times must I say it?,” she sighed, her determined pace towards the elevator never once halting as her team of young assistants began jogging to keep up with her.

“At least once more, Boss Lady,” Mathew winked. 

“If it’s even possible, Mathew, the presence of your lover has only made you more insufferable.”

He threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. “I’m taking that as a compliment.”

“Oh, we’re going on a field trip?,” Tyler asked. “Where are we going?”

Mortals, she thought. Bloody mortals. This was why she drank sherry with lunch every day. This was exactly why. They stressed her out. She must not let them ruin the tranquility of her life again. She would not let them do so, she repeated inside her head. She’d keep a cool head, no matter how ridiculous they were.

“I am going to visit my wife,” she replied calmly, doing her best to think happy thoughts that might prevent her from drawing her blades. Scented candles. Veganism. Past life regression therapy. This foolishness would try the patience of any sane individual. “You two are going to pick up an iced cup of the chai tea she has taken a liking to from that coffee shop we often see you in, along with a cappuccino and a pumpkin spice muffin from Starbucks... she likes those.”

“She likes the muffins?,” Tyler gasped. “Are you sure?”

Kamilah glared at him. “I do believe I know my own wife’s likes and dislikes better than you, mortal, regardless of the proximity in which you work with her.”

“No— I know,” Tyler said apologetically. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. She hates literally every food anybody offers her and will use her abilities to float a plate of food six feet away from her if somebody gets too close with it.”

“Every food?,” Mathew echoed. “That’s cool but, Ty, you should probably shut the fuck up—“

“At the office she lives on chai tea, french fries, and oatmeal cookies,” nodded Tyler. “I’m not joking, but she won’t even walk into a conference room if there are any refreshments laid out in the centre of the table, they have to be behind her, and she refuses point blank to go to dinner or lunch meetings. She literally feels sick if she looks at a food she doesn’t like for too long. It’s some bizarre thing called ARFID or something, I don’t know—“

“Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up,” Mathew hissed, his eyes darting between his lover and Kamilah. “Ty. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

“It’s pretty weird,” Tyler continued, seemingly oblivious to the fact Kamilah was now seething with anger. “I don’t know if she just doesn’t like the foods or if it’s an allergy or something. Her eating habits definitely aren’t normal, though. She’s not anorexic because when she does eat, she eats a lot of carbs and shit that most anorexics probably wouldn’t touch. But a lot of people initially think that or assume she’s a purging bulimic— but I don’t even know if vampires’ weight can change, which means she must’ve been this thin as a mortal, right? Maybe her metabolism was just super fast when she died—“

“You impudent mortal!,” she growled as the elevator doors closed behind them, her eyes flaring an angry crimson at this imbecile’s audacity. Who the hell did he think he was, talking about her Annie like that? He deserved to be beheaded. Nobody spoke about her love this way. Nobody. “Annie has already requested I refrain from drawing my blades when you piss me off, so I will advise you to quit whilst you’re ahead. My wife’s difficulties when it comes to consuming mortal food are not something that you should be discussing if you either value your life or wish to remain employed at Raines Corp. Do I make myself clear?”

Tyler’s face paled and he nodded quickly. “I didn’t mean—“

“No,” she interjected, “do not attempt to justify gossiping about things you quite clearly know very little about. All you will do is make yourself sound even more stupid than you already have.” Her eyes continued to burn red as they bore into him, her elongated fangs scraping against the inside of her lower lip. This mortal did not know her. She had no desire either to explain or to justify herself to him. “I suggest you research the condition if you’re going to be around my wife. She may be more forgiving than me but I will not tolerate or forgive one word of this slander— Mathew, you will go pick up the refreshments and your lover will take the next few hours to educate himself on the condition.” She glared at Tyler. “I expect a comprehensive and empathetic explanation of how it differs from the other disorders you just named when I return.”

Oh, how she wanted to stab this fool. Common sense had already told her that she must not do so. But common sense sometimes seemed a dreary taskmaster.

It was a strange thing, still, this feeling of empathy. She’d never experienced it before with anyone else. She realised that what hurt Anastasia hurt her as well, that what made her bleed caused a hemorrhage of pain within her own soul. Her wife may have joked about her eating habits but it was a genuine struggle she faced, a battle that Kamilah watched her fight every time she had to put something other than the few foods she could enjoy in her mouth. Uneducated idiots like this who either thought she was starving herself or was generally overreacting in her repulsion to most foods just made everything worse.

“Got it, Boss Lady,” Mathew nodded, elbowing his ashen faced lover in the ribs. “It won’t happen again, he promises.”

“No, it certainly will not.” Kamilah sighed as the elevator doors opened, glaring at him. “And when I return those ungodly scented candles will be out of my sight.”

“Of course,” Tyler practically yelped as she stormed away.

“Babe, you’re a fucking idiot,” she heard Mathew say to him. “In the 100 Ways Not To Get Stabbed google doc I sent you, right at the top, literally way number one in huge bold red letters and underlined: YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY A GODDAMN WORD ABOUT THE WIFEY UNLESS YOU’RE GASSING HER UP. Kamilah has been drunk on the I Love My Wife juice since the day she met Anastasia. You treat her like she’s goddamn Queen Elizabeth when she comes to visit, and when her name is mentioned in Kamilah’s presence you make damn sure you’re saying something nice, or you will be impaled on some sort of sharp weapon. If Anastasia didn’t like you so much you would’ve been stabbed in the eyes for rambling like that. What in the everloving fuck were you thinking?”

She heard Tyler sigh. “I fucking panicked, Matt. Anastasia is so chill that we can legit say whatever the fuck we want and most of the time she finds it funny, I’m not used to work feeling like work. I’m literally sweating right now and I have a rash— I’m not cut out to work here.”

Mathew groaned dramatically. “Go back upstairs and research the fuck outta what she told you to; I’m talking documentaries and podcasts as well as Wikipedia— all the shit you can find. Then spray some air freshener to get rid of the Yankee Candle smell. You’re working for the woman who makes Miranda Priestly seem like Mother Teresa this week, you can’t be word vomiting every five seconds.”

Kamilah rolled her eyes as the door man opened the front door of her building and the conversation between the lovers faded from her awareness. Their chauffeur opened the back door of the waiting Rolls Royce and she climbed in without a word, he knew there was only one place she’d be going at this hour on a work day. 

Perhaps some would’ve said she’d over reacted to the blonde mortal’s words. However, the trouble was that one's mind did not work quite rationally when it heard someone talking about the only woman she had ever loved so deeply. Anastasia was without a shadow of a doubt the only one that Kamilah loved so totally that no one would ever be able to take her place. She was the one she loved with her whole being. The one who could make the universe explode around her. She’d have reacted terribly to anyone gossiping about her, regardless of who it was. Even Adrian, Serafine, and Lily knew that she would always defend her wife’s honour, by way of words or by blade — her manner with everyone but her could still be rather stiff and remote at times.

It was generally understood that Anastasia would always be first in her life, before any other member of their family or her work and before all her other duties. And most people were generally smart enough to know that she would not tolerate criticism of that fact from anyone. She hear none from anyone, ever.

She had been at her lowest ebb when they met. And Anastasia had somehow coaxed her into talking to her as though she was a trusted confidant. And then she’d flirted with her. At the age of twenty-two she’d been bold enough to cast aside everything everybody had told her about Kamilah, everything that she presented to the world. She’d been determined to see what lay beneath the facade and she had become the most precious thing in her life. And a sane person would not mess with that where she could hear them.

Arriving at Raines Corp she went straight to her wife’s office and lay down on the couch, ignoring the mortals practically tripping over themselves at her presence. It was days like this that called for the vodka infused gummy bears Anastasia kept hidden in her desk for her to snack on when she visited. 

“Okay, so you’re laying there like a victorian woman who has passed out from fright... or whatever the hell they’re always passing out from in period dramas,” Anastasia said as a means of announcing herself as she waltzed into her office a little over forty-five minutes after Kamilah had arrived. In that time she’d put away an entire packet of gummy bears, her cappuccino, half a bottle of pink gin, and made good use of the bullet vibrator she kept in her Birkin bag. “Your day has been that bad, huh?”

There was something different about her face as she glanced up at her, seeing her for the first time since they’d parted ways earlier that day. It was not quite smiling, but the disciplined austerity somehow vanished from it. It was as though she had allowed some of herself to come out from that place deep within where she had hidden most of her life. Seeing her was the beginning of a sense of release, a hope that happiness lay ahead of her.

“Your assistant is insufferable,” she lamented, opening her arms and beckoning her closer. Her eyes never left Anastasia as she glided across the room to her. She looked like an angel in the afternoon sunlight shining through the protective glazing on the windows and more lovely than ever. She felt that stirring of desire she had felt the first time she had touched her and she her. 

“I saw Mathew and your other assistants working out there, where is Tyler?,” Anastasia asked as she kicked her shoes off and crawled on top of her, settling comfortably in her embrace. 

Kamilah hummed softly and peppered a few kisses on her hair. Even now she found herself decidedly breathless when she was so close to her. “He said something I didn’t appreciate so I made him stay behind to educate himself on how to be a decent individual.”

“He does that a lot. He means well but he has no filter. Do I want to know what he said?”

She shook her head and held her tighter. “He’s just an idiot who would benefit from either having his jaw wired shut for a good long while or being run over by a Subway or two.”

Anastasia looked up at her. She had a disconcerting way of looking at her so directly that she couldn’t help but feel as though she could see right through into her soul. It was those big blue eyes that were really to blame for her being there. She could not look away from them when they batted in her direction. Finally, when she could focus no longer she had to close her eyes. But that did nothing to break the spell because by that time Anastasia’s mouth on hers.

She wordlessly drew her into a kiss, hoping that she’d be able to help her relax. Now was the time for now, she often reminded her. Now was one of those rare and precious moments with which one was gifted from time to time. That was all it was. A moment. But it was one to be enjoyed to the full while it lasted and treasured for a lifetime after it was over.

“I won’t mess with your afterglow by prying... so why don’t you tell me about this cursed dagger of yours instead,” Anastasia laughed, smoothing her hair back from her dewy face for her. “I have, like, a hundred questions.”

“A formerly cursed dagger,” Kamilah smirked, placing a playful kiss on her cheek. “I may or may not have stolen it from a pirate in Tortuga after enjoying an evening in her company whilst Gaius did... whatever it was that Gaius actually did when he wasn’t burning down villages or terrorising anything with a pulse he could find.”

“You robbed your one night stand?” She smirked at her. “That’s appalling.”

“She robbed me first.”

“Of what?” Anastasia started giggling. “I’d love to meet anyone who could rob you of anything.”

“If you repeat this to a soul I will never forgive you.” She sighed. “But I may or may not have lost my underwear in a game of cards she was obviously cheating at. Corset and all. I was not amused in the slightest but Charlie Smith found it quite hysterical.”

“Ah, so you stripped down further to teach this Charlie Smith a lesson?,” she laughed.

“Indeed.” Kamilah hummed wistfully and slipped her free hand into her hair, her fingers tickling gently at her scalp. Their love had not developed out of a friendship; but the friendship they had formed along the way had helped it deepen to the point that they could talk about anything without it being strange for either of them. “It cannot be helped if — before you came along and made an honest woman of me — my arguments with women often wound up with my head between their thighs. I mean, just look at how we started! I’m so unbelievably charming that my head was between your thighs only — what? — a little over three weeks after you first called me an irritating old vampire and had the audacity to call me out for being a bitch?”

“And you called me a mewling mortal, Adrian’s pet, and said you didn’t care if Lily mauled me when she woke up,” Anastasia laughed. “Those were the days... you weren’t even subtle about how much you wanted to top me.”

She snorted and gently brushed her fingers against her cheekbone. “When I called you Adrian’s pet, I may have been confusing anger with the overwhelming desire to have you be my pet. After a century of feeling no sexual impulses or romantic inclinations at all, I actually considered the possibility that you may have been a sorceress trying to trick me as I started finding it increasingly painful to hate you.”

Anastasia buried her face in the crook between her neck and shoulder as her laughter intensified. “You dork.”

“It was a jarring experience,” she protested on the verge of bursting into laughter herself, all stress she had been feeling melting away. This was their true intimacy, not sex, but the ability to be themselves when they were together.

“That’s a mood,” Anastasia nodded. “I was shook. Still am, honestly.”

It really had been quite an experience unlike any other. She had thought the loneliness she had found within her self induced punishment was to be eternal. It had been the millstone she carried about her neck for as long as she drew breath. She had thought it would be the thing to take her to her grave. Yet Anastasia had come along and for the first time in a very long time, she had yearned to see tomorrow. Tomorrow and the day after that and the year after that. There had been a possibility that with her she might have a life to look forward to, and she had felt that all the way to her bones the very moment they’d first locked eyes.

“You try a century of celibacy and then see how frightening it is when you set eyes upon a woman whose beauty causes certain extreme physical reactions in certain intimate places. I thought I’d descended into a state delirium and immediately began questioning if the doctors who’d ‘discovered’ Female Hysteria were truly onto something and weren’t just misogynistic pigs” she sighed “because for the first time in my life, I was quite hysterical.”

“You thought of me when you masturbated that night, didn’t you?,” Anastasia teased.

She huffed and nipped at her bottom lip in warning. “You’re incorrigible.”

“And you’re blushing, sweetheart.” She giggled softly. “Did I make you that horny?”

“Indeed.” She gave a light tug at her hair. “You’re well aware of what you do to me... and as I already said, I became quite hysterical experiencing it for the first time.”

Anastasia smiled. “And what about just now?”

“The positions I was picturing you in were truly scandalous, I assure you.”

Anastasia gently kissed the pulse point on the left side of her neck and then moved to kiss her lips. The Bloodkeeper kissed her with as much hunger as she felt. For the minute or two that they had been in each other's arms so far, she was sure, the years had been swept back for both of them. “You’re adorable, Kami.”

She playfully nipped at the shell of her ear, a content smile settling on her face as she nuzzled into her hair. She had long stopped believing in miracles in the sense that most people did, but just being here like this made her believe that miracles did not always come in a single flash of time. Sometimes they came with every step forward one took when every instinct urged two steps back. Sometimes they came with the simple courage to say no longer, no more, to a set of circumstances which had held them back for a long stretch of time.

“Let’s go,” she murmured breathily at her ear. “New York feels rather stifling. Let us have another adventure. Just us. To hell with everything and everyone...”

“Mmmm. Where would we go?,” Anastasia sighed happily as a series of kisses were littered down the side of her neck.

“Far, far away.” Her eyes dipped to her lips when she moistened them with her tongue. Anastasia was a woman who had made the world an exciting place in which to live, an exciting place to explore and be spontaneous. “As far as we can go, then farther still.”

“Ah.” Her voice was a breathless whisper as a subtle smile tugged at the corners of her lips. She had that wicked gleam in her eye that always made Kamilah feel indignant — except for every moment after she had started to like her. “The very best place to go.”

“There is no other woman as lovely as you,” Kamilah whispered in her ear. She slipped a hand beneath her chin, lifting her face to hers. She kissed her and Anastasia clung to her, and she could taste her answer in her mouth. “Only you can satisfy my soul.” She had never even put words to these deepest feelings in her own mind... she had never told anyone else. Or even herself. Yet saying them to Anastasia was as easy as breathing, for she had loved her for so long that she had become part of her very being. “You are all the home I will ever long for... so say yes. Let me be selfish and steal you away for a while.”

“Yes,” Anastasia whispered against her mouth. “A million times, yes.” 

Kamilah sighed happily. “How does a week at our villa on Lake Como sound before we decide what our next destination will be?”

“Perfect, Kami. It sounds perfect.”

“We can work via Zoom during the day with no mortals lighting disgusting candles to bother us... and at night we can do whatever we’d like without answering to anyone.”

“I love you so much.”

Every word she had ever uttered in her presence, was well and truly engraved upon her heart but those ones especially. She treasured her, treasured her joy, treasured her love for others. Her heart had even been big enough to fill that empty space in her own chest that had existed for more than two thousand years. She was her heart as well. 

“As I love you,” she murmured. “Endlessly.”

~ fin.


End file.
